The Defibrillator Toaster
My mom would be so annoyed… every morning I would run into the kitchen screaming “WE’RE LOSING THEM!!! BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP!”
“DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMNIT!!! NURSE, WE NEED 12 CC’S OF CREAM CHEESE, STAT!!!”
He’s bread, Jim.
Time of deliciousness: 7:15 A.M
If we don’t restart his heart , he’s toast!
“Daddy’s in a butter place now, kids.”
I WASN’T EVEN GOING TO REBLOG UNTIL I SAW THE SHIT TON OF PUNS
HES BREAD JIM
To pay my respects, Ill be sure to place a flour on his grave.
I need this.
I’d be laughing ll the way out the door
do u at least get to see a dick tho
tumblr user fangks asks the real questions
my mother has been there and reports that yes you do get to see the dick and also it’s worth it
i would not be ashamed then
fuck “walk of shame” i’d strut out of the bathroom like yes bitch i just saw a nice dick what have you done with your life
things to do while in Texas everyone
H̬͍̩̙͉̠͇̬̞̓̓́̄͊͋̎A͖̻̹̤̘̲̰ͨ̋͟͝V̶̺͕̯̯̩̱̄ͪ̏Ē̡̼͉̣̦̞̤̜̙ͣͦ̌ ̫̫̭̘̪̉͐̓̿̅͜͢Y̸͎̬̩͔͎͚̝̠͗̇͒̀͠O̰̮ͮͥͮ̈́Ừ̸̴̪̞̦͔͈͙̗ͮͭ͒̔̽̎͐͂ ̭͓̝̉͗͝F̹̫ͤ̒̔ͭ̅̾͆I̧͎̖̦̥̣ͬ͛ͣ̽̐͐ͯ̚͢͢ͅṆ̢̪̜̩̗̌͆ͦ͊ͥ̍̐ͪ͡Ị̪͎͖͙̮̈̎ͭ̀ͣͧ̈́ͫSͨ͗ͨ͂͌̆ͨ͏̝̠̟̺H͌͐̈́̊҉̻̭̼͇̪̯͉E̲̤͍̪̪̽͑̒̍ͨ̓D̸̞̪̩̩̝̖̦̥̿ͤ̉̃͑ ̨̡̼̖͕͚̾͋̈͗̌ͩ̽T̸͙̳͚̜̜͆͊͌̌ͧͬ͟H͓͔̖ͨ̂̔̌̈́̎̚͠O̶̫̞͗̓̄̉S̢̮͔̳̝̙̳̲͓̍ͨ̇͌͛̓̃́Ě̥̾̐̔̔ͯ̿ͯ́͟͝ ̸̳̜̞̮̜̰̫̔͗ͬ͜E̞̻͖ͧ͆̐̀͠R̶̬̝̭͊̃ͩ͊̈́͊̊ͫ̊̕Ṟ̛̤̤̟̜̝͔͈̃͌ͣÄ̧͕͇͍̒̚N̷̢͇̮̰̗̉͛͑̓͒͠D̴̨̝̝͇̳̀̃ͮͬ̊̌͞S͈̯̬͎̰̞̠̋̍̐ͣͭ͋̒̒ͧ͢ͅ?̠͇͈̫̼͕͇̗̳̅̃͗ͤͤ̕
It’s no one else’s fault that you aren’t that
I don’t get this shit