semiotickitten:

apiratenhisprincess:

4ngelo:

theodorepython:

miami-tea:


The Defibrillator Toaster
My mom would be so annoyed… every morning I would run into the kitchen screaming “WE’RE LOSING THEM!!! BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP!”
“DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMNIT!!!  NURSE, WE NEED 12 CC’S OF CREAM CHEESE, STAT!!!”
He’s bread, Jim.
Time of deliciousness: 7:15 A.M
If we don’t restart his heart , he’s toast! 
JESUS CRUST.
JAM IT!
“Daddy’s in a butter place now, kids.”

I WASN’T EVEN GOING TO REBLOG UNTIL I SAW THE SHIT TON OF PUNS

HES BREAD JIM

JESUS CRUST

To pay my respects, Ill be sure to place a flour on his grave.

I need this.

semiotickitten:

apiratenhisprincess:

4ngelo:

theodorepython:

miami-tea:

The Defibrillator Toaster

My mom would be so annoyed… every morning I would run into the kitchen screaming “WE’RE LOSING THEM!!! BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP!”

“DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMNIT!!!  NURSE, WE NEED 12 CC’S OF CREAM CHEESE, STAT!!!”

He’s bread, Jim.

Time of deliciousness: 7:15 A.M

If we don’t restart his heart , he’s toast! 

JESUS CRUST.

JAM IT!

“Daddy’s in a butter place now, kids.”

I WASN’T EVEN GOING TO REBLOG UNTIL I SAW THE SHIT TON OF PUNS

HES BREAD JIM

JESUS CRUST

To pay my respects, Ill be sure to place a flour on his grave.

I need this.

(Source: secretsbest, via craymegtion)

Notes
577003
Posted
3 weeks ago
da-wakko:

tom-sits-like-a-whore:

i-might-be-misha:

tsar-bucks:

georjajayhurrison:

fangks:

christieanne:

I’d be laughing ll the way out the door

do u at least get to see a dick tho

tumblr user fangks asks the real questions

my mother has been there and reports that yes you do get to see the dick and also it’s worth it

i would not be ashamed then

fuck “walk of shame” i’d strut out of the bathroom like yes bitch i just saw a nice dick what have you done with your life

things to do while in Texas everyone

da-wakko:

tom-sits-like-a-whore:

i-might-be-misha:

tsar-bucks:

georjajayhurrison:

fangks:

christieanne:

I’d be laughing ll the way out the door

do u at least get to see a dick tho

tumblr user fangks asks the real questions

my mother has been there and reports that yes you do get to see the dick and also it’s worth it

i would not be ashamed then

fuck “walk of shame” i’d strut out of the bathroom like yes bitch i just saw a nice dick what have you done with your life

things to do while in Texas everyone

(via craymegtion)

Notes
253074
Posted
3 weeks ago
psych2go:

It’s said that 90% of people will see the same word first. Don’t cheat! Type the first 3 words you see in the comments and then look and see what everyone else saw!

intelligence, lust and friend. ; u;

psych2go:

It’s said that 90% of people will see the same word first. Don’t cheat! Type the first 3 words you see in the comments and then look and see what everyone else saw!

intelligence, lust and friend. ; u;

(via psych-facts)

Notes
24466
Posted
2 months ago

jusblaz:

H̬͍̩̙͉̠͇̬̞̓̓́̄͊͋̎A͖̻̹̤̘̲̰ͨ̋͟͝V̶̺͕̯̯̩̱̄ͪ̏Ē̡̼͉̣̦̞̤̜̙ͣͦ̌ ̫̫̭̘̪̉͐̓̿̅͜͢Y̸͎̬̩͔͎͚̝̠͗̇͒̀͠O̰̮ͮͥͮ̈́Ừ̸̴̪̞̦͔͈͙̗ͮͭ͒̔̽̎͐͂ ̭͓̝̉͗͝F̹̫ͤ̒̔ͭ̅̾͆I̧͎̖̦̥̣ͬ͛ͣ̽̐͐ͯ̚͢͢ͅṆ̢̪̜̩̗̌͆ͦ͊ͥ̍̐ͪ͡Ị̪͎͖͙̮̈̎ͭ̀ͣͧ̈́ͫSͨ͗ͨ͂͌̆ͨ͏̝̠̟̺H͌͐̈́̊҉̻̭̼͇̪̯͉E̲̤͍̪̪̽͑̒̍ͨ̓D̸̞̪̩̩̝̖̦̥̿ͤ̉̃͑ ̨̡̼̖͕͚̾͋̈͗̌ͩ̽T̸͙̳͚̜̜͆͊͌̌ͧͬ͟H͓͔̖ͨ̂̔̌̈́̎̚͠O̶̫̞͗̓̄̉S̢̮͔̳̝̙̳̲͓̍ͨ̇͌͛̓̃́Ě̥̾̐̔̔ͯ̿ͯ́͟͝ ̸̳̜̞̮̜̰̫̔͗ͬ͜E̞̻͖ͧ͆̐̀͠R̶̬̝̭͊̃ͩ͊̈́͊̊ͫ̊̕Ṟ̛̤̤̟̜̝͔͈̃͌ͣÄ̧͕͇͍̒̚N̷̢͇̮̰̗̉͛͑̓͒͠D̴̨̝̝͇̳̀̃ͮͬ̊̌͞S͈̯̬͎̰̞̠̋̍̐ͣͭ͋̒̒ͧ͢ͅ?̠͇͈̫̼͕͇̗̳̅̃͗ͤͤ̕

(via spacewaluigi)

Notes
13255
Posted
2 months ago

kokorooji:

the-blog-of-random-shit:

janersm:

sexting-inchurch:

beautilation:

banasmagiccastle:

sarcasminc:

arigoato:

funny text posts arent my

image

Puns like that could get you in

image

give it a

image

Yeah I think the joke might be falling

image

This would probably be a lot funnier if I could read sheet music

It’s no one else’s fault that you aren’t that

image

I don’t get this shit

IM CHUCKLING

(Source: kiryuuyoshiya, via terezinerd)

Notes
510050
Posted
2 months ago